Somewhere in time..

Just a college student searching for herself and on the way hopefully inspiring maybe a person or two.

Well, this picture has a little story behind it. So, about 6 years ago, I met this really chill guy on a beach in Hawaii. We didn’t really keep in contact after I left Hawaii and that was that. Fast-forward to this past summer and I’m vacationing in Hawaii when I run into him again. We exchange numbers and plan to hang out, but it never works out. Since then, he’s hit me up a few times to hang out when he’s been in California, but I’m always in the wrong part of California. Finally last night though, we got to hang out for the first time since I was thirteen. We got a long really well and it was like no time had passed. It was crazy.

This picture was taken at the top of the hike that we took together. It overlooks the entire San Francisco bay area. It’s a beautiful site to see in Berkeley.

I live an amazing life. I love how small the world is.

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Home is wherever I’m with you.

Seriously though.. I am so sad to leave. I am leaving for the airport in a few hours and I just want to stay home. I got strep throat and was bed-ridden for the first 3/4 of my Spring Break, so it definitely cut my time short with everyone.  Regardless, I’ve had the best couple days that I’ve had in awhile.

I think this is the first time since I’ve moved out that this whole distance thing is really hitting me. I seriously just want to stay at home. I don’t know whens the next time I’ll be home and I’m actually a bit scared. It doesn’t help that I have a huge midterm Monday in Economics and I haven’t started to study…

My on-going romance back at home I think is finally beginning to weigh on me. I think I might be getting a bit attached…. But I mean this has been going on for awhile now, so it’s only human right? I’m not any good with emotions though, so I think I’ll just let it be. Perhaps a to be continued story…

As for my friends, I’m not sure when the next time we’ll all be together again. We all have crazy conflicting schedules between school, sports, work, etc.

And of course… I am going to miss my family and my dogs so much. That’s a given though.

Overall, I am beyond satisfied with my Spring Break. I just wish I had more time.. I guess you can’t always get what you want, but I am lucky to have a great support system at home and away at school.

*Note: I know I’m making it seem like returning to Berkeley is going to be terrible, but honestly after I get through my midterm, I’m sure I’ll be happy to be back. I have a great set of people in my life at Berkeley and I might just be a bit homesick, but I’m sure they’ll help me through it.

Misogyny and Racism: Party Edition

This post is a rant more so than anything else. I apologize for the tediousness or fleetingness, which may or may not ensue. Here goes the tale of last night….

After a few drinks at my friend’s apartment party last night, I head over to new party to meet up with Evan. I’m a bit tipsy playing a few drinking games when my friend, lets call him Shane, approaches me. Before I get into the story, I should preface I met Shane because he was one of my good friend’s floor mates. I’ve had numerous encounters with Shane and overall Shane has always been a pretty good nice guy.

Anyways, Shane pulls me aside and starts telling me about how we should hang out and how he never gets to see me etc. I assume this is the normal catching-up type of conversation and I decide to take a seat with Shane in a more private area. This is where everything went wrong.

Shane begins to try to sweet talk me calling me beautiful and how he’s liked me since freshman year etc. His kind words quickly turn to spiteful gestures as he realizes I’m not interested in the whole hook-up prospect. He begins to tell me that he just wanted to hook up with a black girl and he thinks I am a pretty hot… for a black girl.

This is where I started to get pissed. I proceed to tell him, if he just wants to hook up with any black girl, I’m sure there are plenty of others. Not to mention that I find it offensive that I can not just be an attractive individual, but my race has to be included in the rating scale.  Sure, we all have our preferences of what races we like, but an attractive person is attractive regardless of their race. Shane begins to try to cover his track by saying “You’re not like other black girls though. You look different and you don’t act like them. You’re not even full black. You’re pretty”. And this is where I about lost it… I don’t act like them? I don’t look like them? What are black women supposed to act like? What are black women supposed to look like?  Would it be a problem if I was full black? Is it only okay for me to be black because ‘I’m not really black' and somehow fall outside the mold of what constitutes stereotypical black women?

But wait, Shane’s charming ways don’t stop there. Shane begins to ask me why I won’t just kiss him once. All he wants is one kiss with me and it’s not even that big of a deal (Mind you this is after his whole racist tirade).  As I try to keep my composure without blowing up on him, I kindly tell him I’m not interested in kissing people at parties and yes, it’s happened in the past, but I prefer spending time with guys I’m involved with sexually (even if it’s just kissing). This is where Shane, being the chivalrous guy he is, asks if I would go out with him sometime. I immediately decline and told him I would prefer to stay friends. Mind you, I declined because I would never allow myself to get involved with someone as racist and disrespectful as him. If he would of asked prior to this conservation, I most likely would have obliged him with a date because he seemed like a pretty cool guy.

As soon as I shut down his request, Shane starts calling me a bitch because I won’t go on a date with him. He then enlightens me that he was only really talking to me because he was waiting for his friend to get to the party. Of course, he was only talking to me to occupy his time until his friend arrived.. just like he was only talking me to hook up with a black girl. I realized this was my cue to leave. As soon as I stood up, he grabbed me and pleaded with me to stay. I turned around and ever so sweetly told him to let me go; I didn’t want to waste my Saturday night with a misogynistic, racist prick.

Luckily for me, I had an amazing night to follow. I ended up hanging out with Evan and a couple of his friends, who turned out to be really nice chill guys. I didn’t get home until about 4 AM.

All in all, it ended up being a lovely Saturday night. I dodged a misogynistic, racist prick and enjoyed good company. What more can you want from a night out?

I just woke up and took greens. I’m feeling great. 

I’m about to head out to run in the rain. I haven’t done this in ages, but I’m so excited. There’s something so sensual and liberating about running in the rain. Your very own natural ecstasy.

I can’t wait to get toned again.

I love this.

perfectlynostalgic:

In 1996, Tracey Emin lived in a locked room in a gallery for fourteen days, with nothing but a lot of empty canvases and art materials, in an attempt to reconcile herself with paintings. Viewed through a series of wide-angle lenses embedded in the walls, Emin could be watched, stark naked, shaking off her painting demons. Starting by making images like the artists she really admired (i.e. Egon Schiele, Edvard Munch, Yves Klein), Emin’s two-week art-therapy session resulted in a massive outpouring of autobiographical images, and the discovery of a style all her own. The room was extracted in its entirety, and now exists as an installation work.

Live a good life. If there are gods and they are just, then they will not care how devout you have been, but will welcome you based on the virtues you have lived by. If there are gods, but unjust, then you should not want to worship them. If there are no gods, then you will be gone, but will have lived a noble life that will live on in the memories of your loved ones.

Marcus Aurelius

This photo taken from http://mywifesfightwithbreastcancer.com/. The site is compilation of photos and blog-posts documenting a woman’s battle with breast cancer right up until her passing. It was created by her husband.

One of the most moving and shocking webpages I’ve ever encountered. Definitely made me grateful to be alive and healthy. Check it out if you have a minute.

Memories, even your most precious ones, fade surprisingly quickly. But I don’t go along with that. The memories I value most, I don’t ever see them fading.

Kazuo Ishiguro (Never Let Me Go)

I always wonder if boys enjoy cuddling as much as I do.

Today was such a long a day. I am so happy to finally be cuddled up in bed.
I still haven’t texted Dan or Evan that I’m not coming over. I should probably do that because I was supposed to be over about an hour ago. Ooops… I was also supposed to go see Johan. I guess that isn’t happening either.
I feel like a recluse since I’ve been back. Tomorrow night, I’m forcing myself to go this guy’s party. Luckily, I don’t have any Friday classes yet, so I will be able to enjoy myself fully.

‘

Today was such a long a day. I am so happy to finally be cuddled up in bed.

I still haven’t texted Dan or Evan that I’m not coming over. I should probably do that because I was supposed to be over about an hour ago. Ooops… I was also supposed to go see Johan. I guess that isn’t happening either.

I feel like a recluse since I’ve been back. Tomorrow night, I’m forcing myself to go this guy’s party. Luckily, I don’t have any Friday classes yet, so I will be able to enjoy myself fully.

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